Pokepwned
by IceCrome
Summary: Ash maims someone with a pokeball. It does not bode well. Crack.


_Yet another one of my stupid ideas._

_And it's pokemon. Hurrah._

_© Satoshi Taijiri_

_Random female character © Jesus Christ_

_-_

The two pre-teens and one who still hasn't raped them yet trekked throughout the Sinnoh region. Dawn, who, for some rea_son_, still hasn't captured that Dratini I've been rooting for, or at least evolved her goddamned Buneary, searched through her Poketch apps to find the friendship checker, to see that Buneary had f'in loved her.

Evolve it.

Now.

"Frickin' _bees_." A female voice from afar swore various curses, and Brock took the liberty of covering the others' ears.

"Uh…can we help you?" Brock said, slightly blushing because hell, it was a _girl. _

Said girl had brown hair, stuck in a Junoesque ponytail and large, brown eyes. Her shirt was a medium blue, with a high collar that went up to her nose, and white biker shorts with dirty tennis shoes.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't know there was anybody here. Yeah, do you mind if I borrow a map? I mean, I'm meeting up with a guy in Sunnyshore, and I could really use a map." Brock's face faltered.

"A-A _guy_?" She rolled her eyes.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, he's my brother. We hardly refer to each other by name or formality. So, that map?" Ash, although somewhat dim-witted, was very sharp at spotting things. As Brock handed her a map, and she graciously thanked him, he noticed eight badges hooked onto her black carry-bag.

"Hey! I have a question; will you have a battle with me? I want to see how good you are!" She put up a finger to signal a 'hold the hell up' sign, and gave the map back to Brock.

"Battle? Are you sure?" He nodded anxiously, and Pikachu hopped up off of his shoulder. She shrugged.

"Alright. Frosslass, go." The Kimono pokemon came out with a trail of hearts following it. Dawn immediately took this opportunity to ask her if she was a co-ordinater.

"Are you a co-ordinater?!" A hesitant nod.

"Yes. I prefer battles, but I do enjoy contests. I traveled to Johto to see my uncle and fought a girl named 'May' once. She was insanely good. Narrow fight, but I managed to best her." She smiled, although it was difficult to tell from her gigantic collar, her eyes gave it away.

"Alright. Pikachu, go!" Pikachu gave a yelp of support, and sparks shot from his cheeks.

"Destiny Bond and Ice Beam." She gave two commands at once, and she blasted a beam of ice at Pikachu whilst simultaneously using her hands to bring him down with her.

"Aw crud. Pikachu, return." Destiny Bond was cancelled out, and Ash grabbed another pokeball from his belt.

"Chimchar, go!" He threw the pokeball, and it spun like _no freakin' tomorrow._

The trainer, who was so _mystified _by the physics that went into making said ball spin very fast, started to get out a piece of paper and see if Einstein's Theory of Relativity would explain this. Unfortunately, said trainer was too busy to notice that said pokeball was coming right towards her _eye_.

It was too late until she gave a faint cry, and Chimchar's pokeball had bounced off her eye. The monkey's face faltered after it saw a teenage girl writhing in pain.

"AWW! MY _EYE!_ YOU HIT ME IN THE _EYE_! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" She yelled and held her eye at the same time. She fumbled to get out her Garchomp's pokeball to defend herself. The Mach pokemon came out, and Ash nearly pissed himself.

"Garchomp, use the most severe earthquake ever!" Dawn went between Garchomp and Ash to stop the fight.

"Um, please don't kill us. Look, we'll help you get to the pokemon center. I have an eye patch in my back pack from Halloween, and Brock has some gauze. Just um…please don't hurt us!" The girl glared at Ash, and sighed.

"Alright, but if that happens one more time, I _will _have her unleash earthquake on you." She returned Garchomp, and brought out Gallade.

"Do me a solid and cut through all these trees, will you?" He nodded, and sliced his way through the trees, easily clearing it. She gave it a berry as thanks, and returned it, bringing out her Garchomp once more.

"Mind carrying us? We have to get to the pokemon center quickly." It nodded, and dipped low to the ground. She sat comfortably on it. Brock eagerly got on behind, while the other two tentatively got on behind her.

"Alright, hang on to something you three." The three looked puzzled, and she sighed. Why did she have to get stuck with the genius group?

"Okay, you. Hold on to my waist. Short boy behind him, hang onto his and short girl behind him, hang on to his waist. Clear?"

"Crystal." Ash said, giving her an okay sign.

"Hopefully none of you have a big lunch, because this is gonna get nauseous. Go on, Garchomp." She literally sped off, and Ash felt his face pale.

"This is _awesome!_" Dawn squealed, feeling the wind brush through her hair. Brock was currently concentrating on keeping his hands at waist-level.

As soon as they reached the pokemon center, Ash had thrown up considerably, and Dawn was begging the female trainer with a heavy bandage over her eye to do it again, do it again!

"Sorry kid. Maybe you could train your own Gible." She ruffled her hair, and Dawn pouted.

"Well, I've gotta run to Sunnyshore. I stored Skitty temporarily so I could use my Togekiss to fly me off. And tell your friend to watch where he's aiming his pokeballs." She winked (or blinked, they couldn't really tell), and walked outside. The other two trainers watched her fly off, and a small…thing slowly floated to the ground.

"Good luck in your contests, I wish you the best." Dawn read the small piece of paper, and Brock sighed.

"Why do I meet the coolest girls who always dump me?!" He sulked and walked back to hoping Nurse Joy wouldn't pepper spray him. Again.

"OW MY EYES!"

Never mind.

-

Ash, who was in a fierce battle with Paul, and Paul, whose Weavile was faring much better than Gliscor was, was about to get a horrible, horrible surprise.

"Gliscor, return. Go, Buizel!" Ash hurled the ball, and, once again, maimed someone.

"MY EYE! WHAT THE HELL, MY EYE!"

-

_Ain't that a bitch._

_OBAMA WON WOO._


End file.
